Christmas? Blah!

Ok so yeah I know I haven't been on in a while. I really have been busy trying to get all the shopping done and plans taken care of and all that shit. UGH! kristin and I have been to Wal-Mart more times than I can count in the past few weeks is a nightmare. I swear Christmas was invented by the stores to get ppl to shop and go retarded nuts on all the not so deals they have. Anyway just thought I would take a few minutes to update everyone on the fact that yes I am still alive Though I may end up offing some ppl if I have to shop again anytime soon....lol j/k Seriously though how do ppl expect me to be nice when everyone out there in the stores are mean and rude and just beg ppl to punch them in the toe? Ok all have a great night and try to stay calm, I know it's difficult but we will make it through the holidays (I HOPE). Love to my family!!!!!!1

Ready for Christmas shopping!

Well t'is the season for SHOPPING!
I'm ready I love shopping for other people. I should be able to finish up all my shopping in one day. Bill gets paid this week 3 whole checks devoted to useless items I love to buy people...lol. Ever wonder what people really think when you buy them stupid little items you know they have no use for? I don't I buy it anyway and give the stuff with a smile. I love the fact that in their head they thought they deserved better from me or something...OK So what if I am EVIL? I buy everyone who means something to me nice stuff but for all the people who pretend to be family they get the craziest things from me....MWHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh wow I'm all better now I think my bi-polar left....I hope. Well I have been sick since before Thanksgiving, and finally took my dumb ass to the doctor. I have a kidney infection a bad one at that. I feel like shit! I'm taking the antibiotics and will eventually get better. Stormy has an ear infection (damn infections) and I didn't even notice. She has not been complaining about it or anything. I guess she is gonna be as stubborn as me and Bill. Oh well...we rock so shall she

';,,;'

I am really looking forward to Christmas this year! Bill and I decided that in the whole spirit of saving our marriage we should surprise each other with a gift. This both intrigues me and scares me. Bill can be a little bit of an air head. I am going to take him to get a tattoo. He has been wanting one for so long that I think it is time. Oh and his NIPPLES (lmfao) are getting pierced the week of Christmas so he does not have to go to work the day it gets done. This is hilarious...anyone who knows my husband knows he has issues with his nipples. Before anyone asks no they are not deformed. They are EXTREMELY sensitive and this just tickles me to the max!! He is going to scream like a little girl and he thinks his nips could cut glass now...HAHAHAH wait till they have cold metal rings in them.

Ok well maybe I was not finished being evil. But seriously that is some funny shit and I personally can not wait to watch. We have a posse going just to watch. Its great! So with all this said and all that discussed I am outty for the night. Gotta get my rest and feel better.

****CAUSE****


WE ARE TAKING MY BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE EVERYTHING AND STUFF TO THE BOAT THIS WEEKEND FOR HER BIRTHDAY!!!!!!



Happy Birthday my Tara.
We will make sure you have a great time.
I PROMISE!
I love you!

Well that's all for now. I will post pics of Birthday girl at the boat!

BUSY BUSY BUSY!!

Well I haven't posted in a while so I thought it was time to get with the bloggin! I have been busy with homework and home stuff in general. I finally got my car fixed so I am finally able to run around! Not that I couldn't in my truck but the gas situation is better. More gas LESS money is always a plus!!

Stormer is driving me batty. She is hitting the annoying stage late...or early...wait arn't they always annoying? She is so much fun but lately it has been about testing me and pushing my buttons.

Bill and I are doing so much better finally. I had a talk with him about the fact that insecurity IS NOT attractive and the fact that I married him because I love him and no one else. So far So good....

One of my last posts mentioned me meeting up with a long time friend I had not seen in years. Well that didn't happen. Something always comes up whether it is her or I. I am looking forward to seeing her still. I hope we get some free time (that is actually free) to see each other.

I HAVE STARTED MY BOOK!!
Finally. It has been in my head and in several notebooks for years and has finally come together. I know it is a process that will take me forever. It just makes me feel good that it is finally started! I don't want to give away too much but it is about a daemoness. Half human half demon! And just so everyone knows daemons are not all bad....lol. I hope I will finish in the next few years. I would really like to hear opinions on my story.

Well I am off here to spend time with the Hubs!
Ohhh la la and stuff ';,,;'

Complete sadness

You break my heart on a daily basis. You make me feel like the only reason you keep me around is because our daughter needs both parents. I know that if we weren't together she would suffer but I really don't think that it would be that bad if we were both happy. Your not happy with me. You do your best to break my heart more than you comfort me. I used feel loved and now all I feel is the burden I am to you. I hope whatever is wrong with me is fixed soon or it kills me soon because I cannot handle the pain you cause me I am already hurting so much =( My life and my soul feel empty without you. You have been my world for so long now that I can't imagine life without you in it. I feel my walls crashing down and I am crumbled at the thought of ever loosing you and then I realize I lost a long time ago. Your presence doesn't change the fact that you will never love me as much as you used to. You haven't looked at me that way in god only knows how long. You have no idea how much those little things you used to do for let me know how much you really loved me. I don't think that I have ever loved anyone as completely as I love you and I don't think I will ever love anyone the way that I love you. I guess what I am trying to say is that if you love me then show me better cuz I am lost and alone more than I feel loved and if you don't want me around please kick me while I'm already down it hurts less I promise. I can't take anymore lies from anyone right now I think that I will explode. Relationships are built on trust and everyone around me lies to me because they think it will save my felling when I know they are lies and they only hurt me worse. My OCD has nothing on the feeling I get when being lied to. That is a weakness in me that nobody knows I guess because people keep lieing to me. Either they don't know or they hurt me intentionally because the pain that is causes me to be lied to is physical and mental it hurts my heart more than anyone could ever explain and I feel the lies. I may not know what the truth is but the lies are like a weight that hurts my heart so bad that I could scream. You say you love it when I go back to writing you say that it makes me feel better and that you see a change in me. You need to read this and change soon or it may very well be the last thing you ever read from me. !!!!!1

Mondays

Mondays kind of suck. I had an ok day though the belly is still hurting and I haven't left my house since Halloween night. I'm ok though I mean as well as to be expected while in pain ya know. Anyway I really don't have anything exciting going on just figured I'd stop in and put some words out there for ppl to read.....lol Loving the chocolate from Halloween also but I'm sure I really don't need it =) Ok everybody have a wonderful night and I'm sure I will have something tomorrow. To be continued..lol!!!!!1

Halloween Hangover?

Halloween was great. The kids had a blast. Storm made out like a bandit and well that means I did too! Yay for Kit-Kats! I wish I could have had pictures of her in the dress I made. Which I will say I will never do AGAIN ever. My camera broke. I am so pissed off about that. She was adorable all little and pink. I used a necklace that I had found in my moms things as a crown. She was just great. Tara kept telling me I was freaking too much but she was just so damn cute I didn't want her to mess up her hair. Tara and I did the normal routine of teasing our hair and painting our faces. I think we were witches this year. The last time we were Ho-Bo's or some shit. Bill was a bum this year, actually with face paint OMG...damn men. He usually wont allow us 5 feet near him with makeup. We had a great time this year and looking forward to next year.

Altho Halloween was a blast today I seem to have the after holiday hangover. I can't seem to stop from crying and not really sure why. I know my step son pissed me the fuck off but usually that just pisses me off and not make me cry. So what the fuck! I am not sad or anything I just have some wet shit that wants to leak out my eyes. Its bull shit really! I hate crying. Maybe its for all the times I should have...lol. I have constipated tear ducts I think. Someone slip me a laxative?? So I decided to hide in my room all day to avoid the trying to explain why I am being a cry baby bitch.

Class officially starts tomorrow. I was wrong about the start day because I am a retard. I really thought it was Sat. Oh Well...it gave me a couple more free days. I looked at the required reading for these courses and OH MY....I love to read but wow.I hope these courses go as smooth as the others did. Something about essays scare me. I can write a all day about nothing at all but not an essay. Speaking of writing I started my book...finally! I haven't gotten to in depth yet but I have some pretty good notes. Hope I make a million dollars, quit school, move to Alaska and live in my very own igloo! No seriously I do want to move somewhere with A LOT of snow and have a cottage. Snuggles in front of a fire sounds damn good to me. If these tears don't stop soon tho it may never happen. Frozen tears to the face suck!

Hate Doctors!

I have been having pain as we all know. The doctor said to take antibiotics and see if they help. They are not helping and I am getting worse along with the pain I am now puking my guts out! No I am not pregnant unless it is a tubal pregnancy because I had my tubes tied 4yrs ago. I have no idea what is wrong with me but I do know it isn't good.
Hopefully I can find a doctor that will treat me like a person instead of a drug seeking freak and FIX me instead of throwing meds at it like they are good at. I mean really would it hurt them to run a few tests and find out the problem instead of guessing? I really don't think it would. Yet another reason I wanted to be a nurse, to help people talk to the doctors. I can't even talk to them for myself. Who the hell do I think I am trying to help someone else? I don't want drugs in fact, that is the last thing I want. My body is messed up enough without adding chemicals that can do more harm than good. I really feel like someone stood me on my head and dumped salt in my lower girl parts and it is rotting away my insides. How in anyone's right mind can they expect me to deal with this for another 7 days? I have been throwing up off and on all week the pain in my stomach is killing me and my migraines are enough for me to just go to the hospital and refuse to leave until they fix me. I know when I get there though I will just say okay I will take your meds and see if they help when I want to scream until they find the problem!!! Why do I have to be such a people pleaser? I mean honestly I am actually a bitch but I try to make people happy as well. What is wrong with me? Maybe if I pass out and bump my head they will fix me and when I wake up it will all be over.
Who knows I may hit the jackpot and find a doctor who actually cares about the people they treat instead of the money. Life is to short to be in this much pain all the time and have no idea why! I really just want to be better, have energy and live my life WITH A CLEAR HEAD. Guess life isn't perfect and we get what we are dealt. That should not be how it is though and I firmly believe there are things that the doctors can do but they choose not to. They would rather get that extra from the drug companies with their paycheck. Ok I have ranted enough for now about my problems until I roll out of bed and it's all still here. Good night world!!!!!1

Hmmmmm

I am ready for a change in my life. Not really sure what kind of change but a change none the less. I'm sick of being angry for no reason there has to be a reason I just can't find it. I have decided to hopefully get the job I have been wanting and quit school. BTW I am in college for nursing but the teachers are older than earth itself. I really hope I get this job and start on the road I want to go down soon. There is no way in hell I am staying in this shithole town I'm in for any longer than I have to. I am so sick of all the drama that comes with an everybody knows everybody town. Did you know that small towns are more prone to drug abuse for lack of anything to do? I found that out real quick and for some reason I keep finding myself back here. Hopefully and this is so not set in stone I will get out and stay out! Agenda get this job, get a place closer to this job, and start to live my life the way I want to! Cross your fingers for me I'm gonna need it!!!1

Finding me...

I think I am finally on the right path and finding myself. I am happy..go figure ME happy. I am in love with the best man in the world. There are times I want to rip his throat out and stomp on it but over all he is the bestest!! He is in so much pain everyday just to make our family work. I think the only thing that makes me even the least upset at the moment is where I live and my inability to have another baby. I really don't want to have to take all those pills and shots again if I don't have to. Talk about CRAZY BITCH, all those hormones make me psychotic...Mwhahahahah. My brother and his friends used to say I had a psychotic nerve. Damn teenagers!

Stormy was late to her Gymnastics because her grandmother was late getting here. I hate when people think my time is unimportant. On a good note: Stormy is doing great in her class and she really enjoys it. I will have to add pictures of her being a little monkey. It was adorable today, she has a partner in crime named Noah, she was leaving and I told her to say bye to him and she said "Bye Noah I love you". I thought I was going to die, it was the best thing in the world to hear her tell him she loved him. She is recognizing love and what it means, not just something you say when you walk out the door. Later we were at the doctor, sitting in the waiting room, when this little demon girl came up and started pounding on the window separating the rooms screaming at Storm. Stormy politely says "Your Mommy said you need to sit" then "You have to sit like me do"...that's my girl!

We are resuming homeschooling tomorrow since my week is finally at a end as far as errands. She is doing great at home and it makes me extremely happy that it is working out how I had hoped. I am starting her on worksheets tomorrow along with her words videos and computer program. She is still weak on colors but is very advanced on numbers I believe.

SATURDAY is Halloween! Storm decided she has to be a princess. I asked if it could be a zombie princess but all I got was a big fat "NO". I asked if maybe we should make her a vampire princess and again with the "NO". What is with kids now, I loved being all bloody and gory. I would take any normal costume and add face paint, fake blood, fangs, scars. Anything to make it more interesting. Bill wants to go as a California Raisin, he said it will be easy because all he needs in a trash bag and a hair dryer. Men are the crazy ones I promise! So I need to get on this costume making and quick I have like 2 days. I start back to school Saturday also so I have to have it finished by Friday evening.
Wish Me Luck!

SUNDAY I am going to see a friend of mine I haven't seen since I was 14 or 15. I think it will be pretty neat to see how we have changed over the years. It will be awesome to see how our kids interact. She and I were very close from 3rd grade till somewhere around 14. I am sure I will blog more about the visit. We are going to the Florence Mall to let the kiddies play on the carousel.

Oh and Tara I am so the insomniac crazy lady around here so shush!!! Yes it was my idea but I was going that way and need you to feel better so I have someone to pass out candy with!! I love you and hope you feel better.

Well that all for now folks! Got to go fold more laundry GO ME! I love being a home bitch =)

That one time in........

I hate people really I do. Ya know when you have a conversation like all the time with someone and then out of the blue they just stop talking to you altogether? Yeah well that is where I am today and for some reason it is just hitting me that hey I miss those conversations. Now I am pissed cuz I got reason from this person that just stopped talking to me and is now avoiding me it seems as to why they stopped talking to me in the first place. I mean seriously pissy because this person could at least say hey your a bitch and I don't wanna talk to you or something dammit. Maybe just maybe this person is just avoiding to piss me off who knows I sure as hell don't? Ugh people!!!!!1

Daylight!

You are not the insomniac you just sleep during the day!....lol Yes I am the one who stays up till 11, 12 ,1 2, 3 and still needs sunlight you could care less.....lol If there were a world that existed only in the night I do believe we would both partake. I love the sun don't get me wrong I would just rather not deal with people and it seems that people sleep at night. Really though it doesn't matter what time of day it is you can usually find one of us to be awake. Yes I am sick but I am not dying and the doctor thing was your idea you were going anyway and if you weren't I would just stay home and deal like I always do instead of going to see some quack! Yes I probably do need antibiotics but I really don't care let it all rot and whither that's what age is right? Ok so here is my morning post I'm sure it will not be the last with Kristin's monster in law and my babies gymnastics I will either be grumpy or excited who knows what the day will bring? Have a great one and we shall see about mine!!!1

Sleep

Sleeeeeeep! I just want sleep. It isn't super late but I have a very busy day ahead of me. My Tara is sick and I have to take her and my troll-in-law to the doctor after Stormers Gymnastics. This was supposed to be my week off...lol. I get a week off from school and now I am more overwhelmed than when I have class. My brain won't stop reeling and I miss my baby and wish he would get his ass home. I wish he didn't have such a time consuming job. I never get any time with him anymore. WORK WORK WORK...SCHOOL SCHOOL SCHOOL. He starts school in Dec so it is going to be tougher. My daughter gets hardly any time with him as it is. I know we will manage but its just tiresome to keep giving your all and feeling like your getting nothing. I think mother nature is knocking (again for the 3rd time this month)which is fucking with my crazy hormones. I wish I would just get pregnant already! Then I can hop back on the brat control regulating band wagon GO ME!!! So this is my I can't sleep post. There will be many more> I am the insomniac in the Crazy Lady group!

Blah!

I hate my stomach for real! If it isn't one thing it's another. I have recurring cysts and endometriosis and the docs for some reason think hey why not leave all the stuff in there and make her suffer. My tubes are tied I can't have anymore kids take the shit out already! Now out of the blue I get this really painful UTI and back to the doctors I go. Will it ever end? So on another note people really drive me nuts with their drama here, there and everywhere! Why do people feel compelled to tell me their whole life story and then want me to be stuck in the middle of their drama? I mean I don't care if you tell me your problems just don't put me in them cuz they are so not mine and I really do have my own I promise! See above if you don't believe me and those are just the problems that are on my mind right this min. Anyway I am just ranting about random shit right now but by all means read on to the next post! Oh wait I guess I am technically telling people my problems but the difference is that I am not putting anyone in the middle of my shit no names other than mine were mentioned!

October ugh!

Ok so seriously what is with the bad luck everyone is having this month? I have more headaches this month than I can count and it seems like everyone around me has also. I need to get a doctor to deal with all my stupid issues with body.The last doctor I saw told me he doesn't think I am Bi-Polar I have severe post partum depression and some form a ADHD who knew me hyper? Not even close I have to kick my own ass to get out of bed every day how could I be hyper? Here is my first post and that bitch who is blogging with me is my best friend ever =) I LOVE YOU HOOKA!!!!1

OHHHHH YEAH BY THE WAY!

I am inviting my fellow CrazyLdy to blog with me. I hope she accepts!

New Home?

Well my cousin Danielle well she kind of...sort of...well she linked me her blog and I discovered this wonderful BLOGSPOT! I have been blogging for years. Back in the day on AOL Journals and so on and so forth. I have been looking for a new blogging home and I THINK I FOUND IT!! (Thanks Danielle...kind of...sort of). Well I was blogging in a personal forum for around 4 years, and decided to hand it off to someone who had time to deal with the admin aspect of it. So here I am almost a year later starting from scratch.

I have come to the conclusion my husbands mother snorted toooo much coke in her groupie days! I had to take my husbands mother to the doctor today....oh so much fun! For no reason either...she can drive just so we are very clear on that subject. So I had to drag my daughter (4) out and make her sit in a damn car for hours. I finally went off and ran the rest of her errands on my own so I could get the hell home. I really hate that I feel like I have to help people. Bleh...people...lol. So I am off to do it again tomorrow. 2 days without seeing my husband because his mother is incompetent! Okies well this will be continued tomorrow I am sure. I'm going to go sleep off the anger...mwhahahahahahaha.