BUSY BUSY BUSY!!

Well I haven't posted in a while so I thought it was time to get with the bloggin! I have been busy with homework and home stuff in general. I finally got my car fixed so I am finally able to run around! Not that I couldn't in my truck but the gas situation is better. More gas LESS money is always a plus!!

Stormer is driving me batty. She is hitting the annoying stage late...or early...wait arn't they always annoying? She is so much fun but lately it has been about testing me and pushing my buttons.

Bill and I are doing so much better finally. I had a talk with him about the fact that insecurity IS NOT attractive and the fact that I married him because I love him and no one else. So far So good....

One of my last posts mentioned me meeting up with a long time friend I had not seen in years. Well that didn't happen. Something always comes up whether it is her or I. I am looking forward to seeing her still. I hope we get some free time (that is actually free) to see each other.

I HAVE STARTED MY BOOK!!
Finally. It has been in my head and in several notebooks for years and has finally come together. I know it is a process that will take me forever. It just makes me feel good that it is finally started! I don't want to give away too much but it is about a daemoness. Half human half demon! And just so everyone knows daemons are not all bad....lol. I hope I will finish in the next few years. I would really like to hear opinions on my story.

Well I am off here to spend time with the Hubs!
Ohhh la la and stuff ';,,;'

Complete sadness

You break my heart on a daily basis. You make me feel like the only reason you keep me around is because our daughter needs both parents. I know that if we weren't together she would suffer but I really don't think that it would be that bad if we were both happy. Your not happy with me. You do your best to break my heart more than you comfort me. I used feel loved and now all I feel is the burden I am to you. I hope whatever is wrong with me is fixed soon or it kills me soon because I cannot handle the pain you cause me I am already hurting so much =( My life and my soul feel empty without you. You have been my world for so long now that I can't imagine life without you in it. I feel my walls crashing down and I am crumbled at the thought of ever loosing you and then I realize I lost a long time ago. Your presence doesn't change the fact that you will never love me as much as you used to. You haven't looked at me that way in god only knows how long. You have no idea how much those little things you used to do for let me know how much you really loved me. I don't think that I have ever loved anyone as completely as I love you and I don't think I will ever love anyone the way that I love you. I guess what I am trying to say is that if you love me then show me better cuz I am lost and alone more than I feel loved and if you don't want me around please kick me while I'm already down it hurts less I promise. I can't take anymore lies from anyone right now I think that I will explode. Relationships are built on trust and everyone around me lies to me because they think it will save my felling when I know they are lies and they only hurt me worse. My OCD has nothing on the feeling I get when being lied to. That is a weakness in me that nobody knows I guess because people keep lieing to me. Either they don't know or they hurt me intentionally because the pain that is causes me to be lied to is physical and mental it hurts my heart more than anyone could ever explain and I feel the lies. I may not know what the truth is but the lies are like a weight that hurts my heart so bad that I could scream. You say you love it when I go back to writing you say that it makes me feel better and that you see a change in me. You need to read this and change soon or it may very well be the last thing you ever read from me. !!!!!1

Mondays

Mondays kind of suck. I had an ok day though the belly is still hurting and I haven't left my house since Halloween night. I'm ok though I mean as well as to be expected while in pain ya know. Anyway I really don't have anything exciting going on just figured I'd stop in and put some words out there for ppl to read.....lol Loving the chocolate from Halloween also but I'm sure I really don't need it =) Ok everybody have a wonderful night and I'm sure I will have something tomorrow. To be continued..lol!!!!!1

Halloween Hangover?

Halloween was great. The kids had a blast. Storm made out like a bandit and well that means I did too! Yay for Kit-Kats! I wish I could have had pictures of her in the dress I made. Which I will say I will never do AGAIN ever. My camera broke. I am so pissed off about that. She was adorable all little and pink. I used a necklace that I had found in my moms things as a crown. She was just great. Tara kept telling me I was freaking too much but she was just so damn cute I didn't want her to mess up her hair. Tara and I did the normal routine of teasing our hair and painting our faces. I think we were witches this year. The last time we were Ho-Bo's or some shit. Bill was a bum this year, actually with face paint OMG...damn men. He usually wont allow us 5 feet near him with makeup. We had a great time this year and looking forward to next year.

Altho Halloween was a blast today I seem to have the after holiday hangover. I can't seem to stop from crying and not really sure why. I know my step son pissed me the fuck off but usually that just pisses me off and not make me cry. So what the fuck! I am not sad or anything I just have some wet shit that wants to leak out my eyes. Its bull shit really! I hate crying. Maybe its for all the times I should have...lol. I have constipated tear ducts I think. Someone slip me a laxative?? So I decided to hide in my room all day to avoid the trying to explain why I am being a cry baby bitch.

Class officially starts tomorrow. I was wrong about the start day because I am a retard. I really thought it was Sat. Oh Well...it gave me a couple more free days. I looked at the required reading for these courses and OH MY....I love to read but wow.I hope these courses go as smooth as the others did. Something about essays scare me. I can write a all day about nothing at all but not an essay. Speaking of writing I started my book...finally! I haven't gotten to in depth yet but I have some pretty good notes. Hope I make a million dollars, quit school, move to Alaska and live in my very own igloo! No seriously I do want to move somewhere with A LOT of snow and have a cottage. Snuggles in front of a fire sounds damn good to me. If these tears don't stop soon tho it may never happen. Frozen tears to the face suck!