Dad,
Does it bother you that I will be taking your granddaughter out of state again and you will see her even less than you do now? Does it bother you that I have been paying for yours and moms mistakes my whole life? Does it bother you that you promised me millions of times that you would be there for her and you never have? Does it bother you that I have had to beg you to take her places? Does it bother you that your son lives here because he feels like it is the only place he is accepted? Dad you are missing out on the world and you don't even realize it. Do you understand that you’re just as bad as mom, the only difference is you work and are not an addict. Do you know that Cary and I both feel like you have abandoned us? I never hear from you and I have written your side off because I could call till I am blue in the face and I never get any effort on their part. You never even try. Would a phone call kill you? I have even tried making you a MySpace and other things just to keep in touch with us. We have cell phones and you only call when you feel like it. Do you not understand that your job as a parent is never finished? Just because we are adults does not mean we just get cut off. How many times do I have to tell you Stormy does not even know you. You guys always blame me but you never call and inquire about her. Do you know her favorite color, her shoe size, or her favorite cartoon? She is part of your legacy. She has no one but who lives in this house. Does it not bother you that she knows Harry Gesser and loves him, and she does not know you? We both understand that you have Maddy and that she is also your child. That does not give you an excuse to forget about your other children. When you say things like don't say stuff like that around my kids to YOUR OWN DAUGHTER! It kind of makes me think that you have written us off, and that we are the disappointments and you are starting a new life without us in it. You once told me you don't fear death you fear what you leave behind, do you realize you have already lost? We are moving, I'm not sure when but I seriously doubt that if we are this close and you make no effort that you will when we live 2 hours away. I just want you to know you were the only glue holding me here; I have nothing holding me now. When I bring Stormy there I have to try and explain to her who you are. She remembers the kids because she interacts with them here. I was laying in bed the other night crying remembering how you once told me I was not pure enough to be your daughter, now that I am older I can tell you that I was still 100% pure when you told me that. I kept myself pure for a long time, I gave up when I finally got it that you already thought I had fucked up, so why bother. You really let Cary go, he explains himself as a bobber in the ocean with no set direction and no one to guide him. Why is it so hard for you to just make yourself available for us? You know how out of place we feel with you now? When we call you are so rude to me "what do you want" "what do you need" "I am busy" "I will call you back" (and never do). I get so excited when you call even now at 27 just to always be disappointed because there is a alternate motive. Also when you speak with me I could give a shit less about Harry Gesser and the debts he owes you. I am not his keeper and I do not care about how much he owes you. When you married Brenda she and I had a good relationship starting and you are the one who ruined it with both Cary and I. He and I have talked about it many times and how you pushed her on everyone so hard you made so many people dislike her. She is not my mom and I was OK with that, I still needed you! I did not need you telling me to tell Brenda or let Brenda be your mom. That is BS, you know how hard of a time we had with mom doing that with her men and you do it with Brenda. Brenda and us could have been close but I cannot look at her the same anymore. Cary has wanted to live with me for a while because living with you guys was killing him. He was so depressed and introverted it was unreal. How could you allow that to happen to your child, let alone do it yourself? He felt out of place and hated being home, to the point where he started staying with mom on the weekends. You let Brenda make us feel uncomfortable and degrade us by making comments and that is unfair. If we try and defend ourselves then she cries and we get the third degree about hurting her feelings. You never take time to think about ours. I think about you all the time and I miss you so very much but I cannot keep dragging my family through the mud waiting for you to realize that you have been missing out on one of the most amazing beautiful baby girls there is. You have also missed Cary and I both overcoming many obstacles on our own to make it where we are. We are still not where we want to be but we will be. And you’re going to miss it all unless you get your head out of your ass and look past the end of your own nose.
I love you Dad you are one of the greatest men in my life you just have to find him again.
Love,
Your Daughter
