Here we are again another day another dollar! Ok so I told him if I become who I am he would end up hating me. I really don't think he realized that when he said be you and I will never hate you that he may actually end up doing just that. I can't stand not being happy but I should not have to start the conversations all the time initiate the pillow talk every time, Be the nice one all the time and just plain work my ass off to please everybody. I want a relationship that goes both ways I want to stop hiding behind my children and make me happy. I am just terrified that I will hurt them the way I was hurt and I could not live with myself if I allowed that to happen! I want passion and romance, I want love and commitment, I want strength and stability. I just don't believe that I can obtain the things I want and need where I am. My kids deserve better and so do I! I told him I loved him and would follow him anywhere I told him I would live in a cardboard box with him as long as knew he loved me. I'm not so sure anymore. He promised to provide for his family he promised to care and love us with every fiber of his being and at this point all I see is his need to control the situation and trying to make everyone else believe that he isn't. He is not happy and that makes the entire house not happy. Go us right? anyway I guess I'll fill in more of the blanks later I am just ranting today! Have a great day all!!!!!!1