Bleh....

So hello...

I haven't blogged a lot lately. Figured that I would since Tara did...lol. I love you too babe and I have no idea how I would make it through the stupid shit without you. You are my soul-mate and yes it is kind of creepy that we are connected at the brain but I LOVE IT!

*SO*

Bill and I have hit our 10 year blahs just at the same time you guys did. I love him he is a wonderful father to the Storm but sometimes I feel like I am ready to pack up and runaway. I have pondered it many times over the last few weeks. Why is it so hard for him to just appreciate me or act like I have a place in his heart. He breaks his back everyday to support us and I have tried so hard over the last few years to make him feel loved and appreciated. Even on days he isn't too pleasing. I love him and love to hate him...lol. Some days I want to smother him with a pillow till he is blue let him breathe and repeat! He seems to be coming around slowly to the realization that I may not always be here. He is losing himself in the process though I think. He has quit gaming, which I said he does to much of but it is his hobby and would not expect him to quit completely. Everquest 2 is his thing and I am glad he has it and we have made some awesome friends there but seeing him rot away in a computer chair for 4ish years is craziness. He just needs to learn how to moderate it. Bill is a one way thinker though its all or nothing, and nothing is right unless Bill thinks so cause...simply so he puts it "Cause I am Bill its what I do (think, believe, ect..)". He was ready to leave when I sat him down to have a talk with him about living our lives instead of living like we are 50+. I am 27 and ready to have fun. I want to go out and do things. He said he feels like he is holding me back and was ready to get an apartment. I have decided that if he mentions it again that I will not stop him. I will let him go and find a way to support my household. As of right now though it seems like things are going a bit smoother. I have also decided to stop telling him how I feel. If one of us left right now it would crush my 4 yr old and I am not ready to have that guilt on my heart. I am sucking it up and living in comfort. I am keeping my mouth shut and letting him be happy. BUT.... I am going to be myself! I am going out when I want if he is there fine if not GIRLS NIGHT!! I told him I need a weekend a month to myself also to try and gather myself and find who I am. I married at 17 I went from being a kid in my Dads house to being a adult, wife, and mother. I don't want to look back and regret the choices I have made or stifle my life because he wants to be a fuddy duddy! So...Tara get your butt in gear homie we are going to find us one step at a time and we will do it together. WE CAN DO IT! If it wasn't for you I really dunno what I would have done when he said he was ready to go. I know I didn't talk a whole lot but the hours of sitting on the phone listening to you type and yelling at Hag made me feel better. I love you Babers!